he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
