So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
