dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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