I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
