omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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