those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize