laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
