im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Are my feet made of real feet?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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