Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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