Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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