i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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