the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
