Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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