Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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