Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
