Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize