I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
