Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
