While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
