i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
