I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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