I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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