and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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