Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
