why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize