There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
