I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
