I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
