Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize