how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
