My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
