Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
