24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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