FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
this hospital has no fireball
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize