so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why do cheetos always look like penises
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
