dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
