Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
