Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
