I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
