And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
as a side note pls kill me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
