Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
