Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
