Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
