Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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