Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The Olympian is in my bed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
