I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
