thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
