WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's always time for handjobs
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
