I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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