She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
