This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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