well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
