I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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