hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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