Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
