allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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