the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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