from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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