the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
