I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
